


ranboo and his abc’s

by tech



Category: Minecraft (Video Game)
Genre: Gen, Mostly techno’s pov, Parent Phil Watson (Video Blogging RPF), THIS IS SO LONG, This is for u boottwt, Tubbo is mentioned, but Ranboo is the main topic, what you’ve all been waiting for, wilbur has a few lines
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-24
Updated: 2021-01-24
Packaged: 2021-03-17 00:22:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,536
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28965303
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tech/pseuds/tech
Summary: "How old is he?" Techno asks. Ranboo acts young—but his legs are so long."Probably around five or six. He doesn't understand me, though, and I can't understand him, so we might never know," Phil says, closing the curtains up for the night."You say that as if we're keeping him," Techno says, sitting in the reading chair with a blanket. Phil is silent, and Techno turns around to find that he's gone.————————Phil adopts another child. Technoblade teaches him English. Tommy is terrified of big words.
Relationships: Ranboo & Technoblade & Phil Watson (Video Blogging RPF), Ranboo & Technoblade (Video Blogging RPF), Technoblade & TommyInnit & Phil Watson (Video Blogging RPF), Toby Smith | Tubbo & Wilbur Soot & TommyInnit & Phil Watson, TommyInnit & Phil Watson (Video Blogging RPF)
Comments: 39
Kudos: 918





	ranboo and his abc’s

**Author's Note:**

> ok twitter loved the concept so it’s finally here’ 5k words of my sweat and tears.  
> edit: pls note that this was written before tubbo’s and ranboo’s canon friendship took off !!! i might write a spinoff of this w some platonic tubbo and ranboo husbandry (:  
> one tw: near death/drowning
> 
> that’s it, tho, enjoy!
> 
> twt: technobladek  
> blr: technobrokenglasses

It's the middle of winter when Phil takes in yet another child.

Or, rather, a child finds his way to Phil's home.

Techno's sitting by the fireplace when he hears an ominous sound, one that he's heard before, but can't quite place what it is. He blinks, grabs his tea, and looks up to see the strangest creature he's ever seen.

Immediately, he spits out his tea, hitting the creature. The creature blinks in and out of the room for a moment, but returns quickly, much to Techno's surprise.

The spat out tea is nowhere to be found.

"Dude? Why are you in my house?" Techno asks, now stood up, using the fireplace tools as a "weapon".

The creature murmurs something Techno can’t understand, but before he can even comprehend it, the creature steals part of the wood floor and disappears again.

"Hey! You can't just take the floor! I chopped down those trees myself!" Techno yells, circling around the reading chair, looking around frantically. He isn't lying, either—he has chopped down the wood for the house, or, rather, the house extension. The tiny cottage the home had once been needed a few extensions after Phil came home with random kids.

_("Those are orphans! You know how I feel about orphans, Phil!")_

There isn't time for Techno to panic and run for Phil before the creature is back, from the same spot the floor had once been. He lazily puts the block back, deciding to put more effort into roaming the house.

"Hey! There's kids sleeping in there!" Techno yells, blocking the door. Said kids are probably awake by now, due to Techno's little outburst.

He half expects the creature to disappear again, but it stays, sitting on the rug instead. "It" looks up to him, blinking slowly and murmuring an unknown language.

Techno sighs, sitting down in front of him. He wonders if it's just a hallucination, and if he's just creating an imaginary friend.

He slowly leans forward, his ear facing the creature. It repeats the same noise, whispering it softly. Techno almost wants to fall asleep, as the noise is almost comforting. Instead, he understands the word, abandoning the idea of sleep.

"Raaaan-boo?" Techno asks. The creature nods excitingly, repeating the word faster now.

"Is that your name?" Techno is hopeful for another clear answer, but instead receives a long drabble of what seems to be gibberish.

Techno clears his throat. "Ranboo?" He asks again, pointing at the creature. It nods again, the purple flecs in the air drifting apart farther and then closer again.

So it has a name—Ranboo. Or he. Or they, or she? Techno settles on they.

The door to the storage room slams open, likely awakening the rest of the adopted boys. Up the cellar stairs comes along Phil, his hands full of logs before he lets them drop on the side of the cellar.

He finally finds what he's been looking for.

"Ah! There you are!" Phil says, walking towards Ranboo. He doesn't even need to kneel down to talk to him, as the creature already has long, black legs, his head up to Phil's shoulders.

"You know this dude?" Techno asks in bewilderment, leaning against the back of his reading chair.

"Not for long—just a few hours, but he disappeared a bit ago, but I guess he's found you?" Phil replies, kicking his boots off down the cellar stairs.

Techno stares at Phil in amazement, a "heh?" noise struggling to stay in his throat. He stays quiet as Phil whistles to himself, hanging his coat and shaking the snow off his bucket hat.

"Quite the cheerful fellow," Phil continued. "Kept me comp'ny. Even brought some wood down to me," he says, turning to Ranboo and praising him.

"So why is he here?" Techno asks, adjusting his braid.

"Well, I wasn't gonna rob 'em! Gotta return the favor. He's been a good lad, you'll see." Phil's tone is upbeat and happy, despite it getting later and later into the night.

"So he's staying here? As payment?" Techno asks.

"Yeah! Didn't 'ave much choice anyway, little guy kept followin' me around. But he's adorable, isn't he?" Phil says, smiling at Ranboo and turning back to Techno to smile at him. Techno looks at him like he's crazy (he kinda is) but lets the poor man be happy.

"And where?" Techno says.

Phil's smile turns down just a smidge, and Techno immediately knows what he's up to.

"No, Phil, I'm not letting him have my bed, _I'm not letting him tak—"_

"He can take your bed! You fall asleep in the chair all the time anyways," Phil says, already leading Ranboo to Techno's room. Techno stands there in sheer shock, not believing what was happening.

"Oh, and grab Tommy's old pajama's! They'll fit 'em!" Phil adds, yelling from the back.

Techno shakes his head, there's no way the youngest haven't woken up yet. Wilbur himself is lucky, being a deep sleeper and sound asleep in his bed.

He walks slowly into Tommy's (and Tubbo's) room, cursing the door for being so loud. He sneaks up to the dresser, opening it, and—

"What the hell are you doing, bitch?!" a voice that Techno knows too well screams. The light turns on, and he's met by a pocketknife to his throat and one very upset child .

"Tommy, put the knife down. It's just me," Techno says.

"Who is "just you"?" Tommy asks accusingly, before his eyes finally get used to the light and he realizes it really is Just Technoblade.

"Oh, oops," Tommy says, smiling sheepishly. Tubbo sits up from the bottom bunk, rubbing his eyes and mumbling about “how he had just fallen asleep.”

"I just need some of your old pajamas, Tom," Techno says. Immediately, Tommy's expression is more serious and he's frowning.

"Do you know who made those?" Tommy says. Techno nods. They were their (adopted) mother's creation.

"Phil found a stray kid, he's just here for the night, I'll wash them for you after and return them—"

"Phil doesn't give just anyone these," Tommy says, pulling out the pajamas from the drawer of his dresser. "He's adopting another kid."

Techno laughs. "No way, you two are already a handful (and Techno, but he's older now), dad can't handle anymore kids."

Tommy shrugs at him, handing over the pajamas. "If you say so. But don't be surprised if you wake up one day and realize he's been here an awful long time."

Techno shakes his head at him, telling Tommy goodnight, not getting the chance for Tubbo as he was already falling asleep.

He enters his invaded room to find Phil tucking in Ranboo. The boy's legs are long and Techno realizes why a standard kid's bed might be too small for him.

Phil stands up, turning the light out and following Techno out. Ranboo's fast asleep.

"How old is he?" Techno asks. Ranboo acts young—but his legs were so long.

"Probably around five or six. He doesn't understand me, though, and I can't understand him, so we might never know," Phil says, closing the curtains up for the night.

"You say that as if we're keeping him," Techno says, sitting in the reading chair with a blanket. Phil is silent, and Techno turns around to find that he's gone, probably to bed.

Techno falls asleep with a book on his face, uncomfortably against his poor glasses.

———————————

Techno opens his eyes to find eyes staring into his soul. The eyes blink, and Techno is falling back asleep before he realizes that there's red and green eyes staring at him.

He yelps, attempted to scoot back but instead causes the chair to tumble backwards. He groans, rubbing his head.

There's two things Techno notices: one, his book is gone. Two, his glasses are nowhere to be found.

He feels stupid as he searches the ground for them, but a black glove hands them to him. It's Ranboo, Techno realizes, and there's more to him than just long legs and purple particles.

The boy's face is split, half white and half black.One eye is piercingly green, complementing the other red eye. He's wearing the pajamas he'd given him, and Techno understands why Phil wanted those specific pajamas.

They're a light gray, sewn with his mother's famous wool, specially made with a secret she took to the grave. There's tiny endermen embroidered in the gray space, patterned along the entire onesie.

Ranboo's hair is sticking out—presumably bed hair. Each side matches its coordinating color, white or black. A tail warps up to his shoulder, with a devil-like arrowhead at the end. Techno wonders if he's a demon.

"Oh, uh, thanks," Techno says nervously, putting his glasses on and getting back up. His "crown", which was actually just a hairclip designed as a crown, barely held on, it tugging onto his hair and begging to be let go.

Techno excuses himself, using the bathroom mirror to fix it. To his horror, his hair is full of rats nests, which is just unacceptable. He searches for his brush, only for Ranboo to pop up and hand him over the brush.

He again thanks the "little" guy, but he just starts yet another long line of foreign words. Techno shakes his head, finishing his hair and heads back to his reading chair. His bedroom door is wide open, and Ranboo surprises him yet again, making Techno's bed.

He finds a note on the family bulletin board, a note from Phil explaining that he's out hunting, and to take care of the guest. Techno sighs, though not annoyed.

In the corner of his eye, he notices Ranboo casually heading down to the enchantment room. He shakes his head, following the boy to stop him.

He finds Ranboo immersed in the library of books, though the enchantment room interests him the most. He flips through the pages, mumbling unknown words. Suddenly Ranboo stops, staring at one specific page. He pauses, and then rips it ot and runs upstairs.

"Hey! Those are hard to make!" Techno yells after him. He bursts through the main room to find Tommy holding him down with Tubbo looking at the page in confusion.

"Let him go, Tom, he doesn't know he's done anything wrong," Techno pleads. Reluctantly, the blond lets go, Ranboo simply sitting up as if nothing has happened.

Techno goes to the boy, who was attempting to grab the paper from Tubbo. He succeeds in doing so, drawing his fingers in the air and looking back at the paper. Tommy attempts to grab him again, but Techno is there to hold him back, wanting to see what Ranboo was doing.

"Sign, maybe?" Tommy suggests. Techno slowly signs a greeting to Ranboo, contorting his face in expression, but the boy simply blinks at him and goes back to the paper.

Tommy goes to grab the paper, but Techno stops him.

"Wait, I think he's trying to spell something out," he says, pointing at the boy. It appears he's right, as the boy is drawing something with his fingers.

"Do we have any pens?" Tommy asks, and Techno shakes his head almost immediately. Ink sacks ran out a while back, and wrestling squids isn't ideal.

"Hold on, I have an idea," Techno says. He nudges Ranboo from the floor, and he reluctantly gets up, paper in one hand. Techno throws on his red coat and his boots, while Tommy is an idiot and just goes straight outside. Ranboo fluffs up his— fur? Techno has never touched his skin, but both black and white sides cover his ears and horns as he follows Tommy out.

Techno hurries along, finding Ranboo on the ground. He shivers, but Ranboo is completely fine, drawing his symbols in the air.

Slowly, Techno squats down, not wanting to get his pants wet. He gently grabs Ranboo's hand and leads it to the snow, and he continues his drawing, and finally Techno understands.

He's reading the page and copying it onto the snow.

It doesn't hit Tommy, probably because he's not interested in the language, just the thief, and maybe his mere ten years of life are just not enough to understand.

Tommy instead snatches the page back up, and an upset Ranboo begins to wail. The cries echo as he disappears, blinking in and out of life. He returns quickly, but Tommy's already inside by the time he gets there.

"It's okay, Ranboo. I'll go talk to him. Let's get inside," Techno says. Ranboo blinks, and again he says the same line over and over. Techno sighs, scratching his head. This language barrier is rather frustrating.

Techno leads him inside, and Ranboo sits in front of the fire, watching the embers flicker and the wood burn. He watches the boy for a minute, but Tommy's angry shouts are a distraction. Techno follows the sound, finally finding his little brother in the enchantment room, attempting to put the page back in.

"It's not gonna work, Tommy," Techno says. Tommy ignored him, trying his own spit, but before he can get it on the paper Techno snaps him out of it, and he sits in the corner with shame, holding the paper to his chest.

Techno suddenly stands up. "I'll be back later, Tommy. Take care of the house," and he's gone, on an adventure he's definitely going to regret.

—————————

The water is absolutely frigid.

Techno yelps immediately when he dips his toe in, barefoot in the middle of winter. It's a bad idea, and he knows it. But he proceeds anyway.

"We need the sacs for other things," he tells himself. "It's worth it. Probably."

Techno tests the water again, dipping his foot in. It's so cold it burns, but he fights his natural instincts and makes the foot stay. Then, another foot, and his legs, and suddenly his entire body is submerged in a freezing lake.

The puffy ends of his sleeves droop in the water, pulling him down along with the rest of his clothes. The clothes are definitely ruined, but at least he still has his cloak laying on the bank, and his boots are also spared.

With a deep breath, he dips his entire head underwater. The water clings onto him desperately, as if not wanting him to leave. He feels a weight behind his head as his braid soaks up the water like a sponge, coming undone from the water.

Techno breaks through the water, gasping for air. He looks around in need, searching for a squid. It seems as is there is no life, but he knows there must be.

This is all just apart of my master plan, Techno thinks to himself, ignoring his chattering teeth and numbing toes.

Finally he spots something moving into the side of the bank, something definitely alive. He gets a little closer, and thankful, it's a squid.

Techno takes out a dagger, small, but functioning. He admires it, the sun glinting on its iron blade. He shakes out of it, and dives under with as much breath as he can hold.

Techno's eyes open under the water, and he sees the squid clearer. It's not huge, but it has a secret weapon that Techno begs to avoid.

He gets unlucky.

He's four feet away when ink is released, and he barely closes his eyes in time. He does, however, gasp underwater, and ink seeps into his lungs, burning and suffocating. Still, he attempts to tackle the squid, but the squid pushes him back quickly. His dagger's nowhere to be found.

Techno immediately claws his way back up to the surface, but his clothes are so heavy and the ink is choking him and he's so, _so tired—_

A force brings him up, and he gasps for air, barely having the energy to keep swimming. Techno opens his to see an annoyed Philza dragging him out of the water with one hand, and the other hand with a sword stabbed through a squid.

They reach the bank, Techno sputtering for breath while Phil scolds him for being an idiot. Techno catches his breath eventually, squeezing the water out of his hair. Surprisingly, his crown clip is still alive, though barely even on his head anymore.

"C'mon. Grab your coat, we're going home," Phil says, not acknowledging the situation. "Also, squid's dead here. Has a few sacs if you want 'em."

Techno looks up at him in amazement, scrambling to his feet and grabbing his cloak and shoes. Phil goes off without him, rushing Techno and causing him to walk home with his shoes on the wrong feet.

Phil immediately sends Techno to wash up when they get home, and he gladly obliges. Phil stays outside the house to harvest the inc sacs, keeping them in a cold bucket and preserving it until they made it into proper ink.

Phil comes inside, and sees Tommy by the fireplace, attempting to understand the page from the enchantment table. Furiously, Phil walks to Tommy.

"What did you do?" Phil says, attempting to keep his anger behind bars.

"I-it was an accident," Tommy says, avoiding his gaze.

Phil snatches the paper, and immediately knows he's lying.

"Alright, Tommy. You can tell the truth now and get a lesser punishment, or you can lie and do chores the rest of your childhood," Phil says. Tommy stands in shock. Phil's never been this mean before.

Techno steps in to save the day, his hair in a towel, but his eyes hold a certain protectiveness for his brother, though he'll never admit that he really does love Tommy, even if he’s annoying.

"It was Ranboo, Phil. And it was an accident," Techno says, still half lying, but he gets away with it. He always does.

"Well why didn't you say so?" Phil says, beaming at Ranboo and assuring him that it isn't his fault. Phil receives a blank stare in return, but they're all used to it by now.

Tommy and Techno share a look, one that they've shared many times before. It's the look of "I'm the least favorite," from Tommy, but Techno's changes to "My favorite child position might be in danger."

As Phil leaves, Techno asks him if they've got any enchantment language translations. Phil tells him that they're in storage, and he groans, knowing that storage was impossible to go through.

So he spends the day digging through storage, and though lengthy, he strikes gold just as he's about to give up. Phil presents him with some new quils with ink, and Techno sets off on the real task.

It's almost eight when he's done, presenting a scroll to a sleepy Ranboo.

"I know you can't understand me, but I had some spare ink sacs so I thought I'd help you out. It was just convenient, though, not intentional," Techno says, ignoring Tommy rolling his eyes at him from across the room. Ranboo blinks at him like he always does, but takes the paper and looks back at Techno, jittering. The purple particles around his face expand and spread, dancing like fairies. His eyes light up, and Techno swears he sees a little smile.

Techno scratches his head, thinking of an excuse to leave, but Tommy does it for him, asking him to help him with something in the kitchen.

"Tommy," Techno warns him as his brother sits on the counter, with Tubbo already there, doing his homework at the table. It's then that Techno remembers that school is back again soon—if you could even call it that. Phil has taught them every day since Techno was in middle school.

Tommy ignores him, swinging his legs over the counter and annoying the absolute hell out of Tubbo. He looks at Techno for help, and a pink strand of hair hits his face as an idea strikes him.

"Tommy, follow me," Techno says, and Tommy almost stays, but decides that maybe he should give Techno a break for one. They walk into the enchantment room, and Techno takes out scrolls of parchment, old and torn, but legible as it rolls open onto the floor.

"Ranboo's language, with translations to English. He can understand us soon," Techno says, attempting to keep his excitement lowkey. Tommy looks at him with wide eyes, somewhat carefully sifting through the papers.

Techno whips out a stack of small, paper cards. They're thicker than most paper, and have wobbly lines drawn on them.

"Flash cards," Techno explains. "They're kind of shit, but the shops have been out of stock for ages. Kinda sucks that sugarcane doesn't grow during the winter, or here."

Tommy looks at him with wide eyes. "Dadza's gonna kill you for this one, we barely have any paper left," he says. His brother shakes his head in disagreement.

"It's for Ranboo. He'll understand."

————————

Phil is more shocked than angry when he comes downstairs the next morning to find a sleepy Ranboo repeating the letter "a".

"Ayyyyyyyy, Ranboo. Or uhhhhhhh, but we'll get to that later," Techno says, pointing at the translation sheet. He finds that the reading and writing part is the easiest, but getting Ranboo to speak English was harder.

"Eh," Ranboo says, scratching his ear. "Buhh."

Techno's eyes light up, and he grabs a cookie from the cookie jar. The adoptive father looks at them in amazement, slowly walking back upstairs to go back to sleep, because it was way too early for this.

Techno persists, and Ranboo returns the favor, trying his best to understand.

By the end of the day, he can read and write all his a b c's, and speak half of them.

It takes a week for Ranboo to master the English alphabet, and Techno decides it's time for a more difficult bit: words.

Ranboo rubs his eyes as Techno sits him down at the kitchen table, laying down an extensive folder of English lessons. He opens it, and begins.

Techno writes down a word in English, and then copies it in Ranboo's native language. He points at each word, and Ranboo says it in his native language, and Techno repeats it in English.

"Camaraderie," Techno says casually, and Ranboo looks at him like he's nuts, because what the fuck did he just say?

Techno sighs. "It was worth a try," he says, bringing out a new sheet of paper with smaller words, such as "an", "the", "it", and so on. Ranboo picks up on it rather quickly, and Techno decides it's time for another shot.

He flips back to the previous page. "Camaraderie," he says, mentally crossing his fingers.

"Cum," Ranboo says, and Techno tries his best to keep in his laughter.

"Camaraderie," he repeats. Maybe a word originating in French isn't the best starter word

"Cum," Ranboo says with determination, and his confidence peaks. "Cum, cum, cum, cum, cum, cu—"

Tommy screams in laughter, falling over from his hiding place.

"Cum!"

Techno whips his head around. "Tommy, it's not funny, he's a beginner—"

"Cum!" Tommy ignores him.

"Please, Tommy, you're too young to know that word," Techno begs, but Tommy just laughs and laughs until he's out of breath.

"You're ten, Tommy, please." Techno's on his last straw.

"Old enough to know, bitch!" Tommy yells, struggling to breathe.

Techno stands up, gently covering Ranboo's ears. "Tommy, there is a child here—scratch that, you're a child too, but he's just five, Tommy, please."

It takes ten minutes for Tommy to stop laughing, but Ranboo never forgets.

(Even without the memory book later on).

Two weeks later, Ranboo says his first English sentence, obscure, but Techno enjoys it anyway.

"I luxuriate in our camaraderie," Ranboo says in front of the entire family. Phil immediately claps, and Techno softly pats Ranboo's back.

Tubbo doesn't process it, and Tommy wants to cry, because what the fuck does that mean?

It's three weeks with Ranboo by now, and Phil's way too attached to let go now. Tommy is not-so-subtly hostile, and Tubbo is indifferent.

And Techno?

He'll take his secret affection for the Enderman hyrid to the grave.

—————————

Techno discovers Ranboo's love for shiny things when he's falling asleep on a good book at the dining table. His eyes are drooping when he feels a weight being lifted off of his head. The sleepy side of him tells him to just fall asleep, but his rational side says something's been taken.

Techno sits up, yawning and pushing his glasses up his nose. His hair is embarrassingly everywhere—his crown clip doesn't always work. He combs through the sides of his hair with his fingers, reaching his scalp and going to fix his crown—except there's nothing there.

Techno wakes up completely immediately, standing up and whizzing around. There's no crown to be seen. He checks the floor, thinking it had fallen off. Nothing.

He runs up to the living room, checking his reading chair. Nothing. He searches the floor again. Nothing.

Techno runs down to the enchantment room—he's there all the time. Inside he finds Ranboo laying on his belly with his feet in the air, a crown on his head, and a word search in front of him.

And to Techno's horror, Phil's there, helping with the word search.

"Uh...hey," Techno says, barely fitting in the already cramped room. He nearly trips on a book, mumbling an apology and sitting in the corner fiddling his thumbs.

"Hey, Tech! Boo's makin' great progress, look at the word search here!" Phil says. Ranboo nods in agreement, looking up at Techno curiously.

"Oh, uhh, great. Um, Ranboo, is that my crown?" Techno asks, still standing in the corner like a child in timeout. Phil looks at him sternly, and Techno knows he's done for.

"That's Ranboo's now. You need to learn to put your things away," Phil says. Ranboo suddenly teleports away, and Phil gets even more on edge. "And great, you've scared him away. Look what you did."

"It was on my head," Techno mutters, but he walks out before Phil can reply. He gets outside, using the storage room door to exit. He finds Ranboo sitting in the snow, twiddling with the crown in his hands. Techno approaches him, sitting down with him and wishing his coat was on him.

"Hey, bud," Techno says after a while. "I see you like my crown, but uh, it's mine, and I really need it, okay?"

Ranboo looks at him, handing over the crown but teleporting our before Techno can thank him. He's back in no time, though, holding a grass block.

"Here, Techno. I deeply apologize for my actions," Ranboo says. Techno almost smiles, noticing that Ranboo knew some new words, but first he accepts the gift.

"Thanks, Ranboo, and uh, thanks. I'll be back later, okay?" Techno replies, adjusting his crown back onto his head.

Ranboo nods, and he disappears in flashes, tears burning his skin. He finally stops after they dry up, but Techno is long gone.

He puffs his fur up, it's always cold, and snow is just another form of the rain that he so desperately hates.

Ranboo thinks to himself just for a moment, that, maybe everyone hates him.

A voice interrupts the thoughts.

“Hello,” the voice says, and Ranboo turns around to find Techno’s mysterious twin. Wilbur is the only kid in the house with his own, official bedroom, and he spends all his time there. Ranboo has never even talked to Wilbur before, just an introduction from Phil a while back.

“Hello,” Ranboo says after getting over his initial shock. Wilbur stands tall over him, even though Ranboo’s already tall for his age. A beanie consumes his hair, and a scarf covers his neck.

Ranboo thinks to himself that he could probably beat him in a fight.

“What are you doing out here all alone?” Wilbur asks, walking back towards the house and motioning Ranboo to follow. Reluctantly, he does, but his silence forces Wilbur to continue their one-sided conversation.

“I’m in absolute agony and depression,” Ranboo finally replies, look at Wilbur. He turns away quickly, though, preferring the ground’s appearance over Wilbur’s.

“Why is that, my friend?” Wilbur asks. His words seem sincere, but Ranboo second guesses it.

“Your twin,” Ranboo says, and they reach the house. Ranboo lets go of the rope using to keep his teleportation back, and his long body blinks everywhere, and eventually out of Wilbur’s sight.

And so Wilbur waits outside the front door for Techno to return. He’s freezing his ass off and he considers the possibility of hyperthermia, but his curiosity forces him to stay outside.

Finally Techno returns, a sack over his shoulder and a pickaxe poking out of it. He walks to the shed, and opens the door, met by his twin’s face.

“Wil?” Techno says, dropping his sack onto the ground. “What’re you doing here?”

“Just wanted to see what my big brother was up to,” Wilbur says. Techno is hardly a big brother to him, though; he’s just two minutes older.

“Nothing. Just found some random gold in the snow. Seeing what I can do with it,” Techno says, half-lying as he puts in gold ore into the furnace. He’s shoveling coal into it when he notices Wilbur’s well-known expression of “you’re lying and I’m not stupid.”

Techno sighs. “I’m making a crown for Ranboo. He really likes mine and tries to take it. That’s the only reason I’m giving it,” he assures Wilbur.

“Sure it is,” Wilbur says, and it’s silent until Techno starts up the blacksmith mechanics and Wilbur leaves to go back to his bedroom where he always is.

——————————

“Hey, uh, Ranboo, I found this random crown in the snow, thought maybe you’d like it. Awful convenient, right?” Techno says, awkwardly chuckling as he hands over the crown, crafted by him and not found.

Ranboo jumps up and down, only stopping when he nearly hits his head on the ceiling. He goes to the bathroom mirror, carefully placing the crown on his head and into his hair.

His devil-like tail swishes excitedly as he runs to go tell Phil, and Techno breathes out a breath of relief.

He falls asleep on another book that night, not worry about his crown being stolen.

—————————

“Core-di-nate,” Techno says, clapping his hands on each syllable. “Now you try.”

“Cord-in-ate,” Ranboo repeats. Close enough.

“Now put it all together,” Techno instructs.

“Coordinate!” Ranboo finishes, reaching out for a high five. Techno taps his hand back, hiding his smile as he grabs Ranboo a cookie. 

Tommy walks by, sighing. He hears it all day every day, much to his annoyance. Techno had “graduated” school under Phil’s standard, and now all he did was teach Ranboo the language.

“Hello, twat,” Tommy says to Ranboo, who cheerfully greets him back in obliviousness. Tommy walks back to the “classroom”, snickering with Tubbo as he recounts the interaction.

The next day is the same.

“What’s up, shithead?” Tommy says to Ranboo. “How’s the shit all in your ‘ead?”

Ranboo blinks at him. He hasn’t been taught cuss words yet.

Techno chases him out the kitchen, yelling about how Tommy was already too young to know cuss words and so was Ranboo.

“Tell me about your day, dickwad,” Tommy orders Ranboo the next day, interrupting the lesson. He looks at Techno in confusion, and Tommy just runs out laughing.

And then it happens again. And again. And again. It becomes a regular thing, Tommy swearing at Ranboo and him not understanding.

That is, until, Ranboo finds out what a dictionary is.

And he’s beyond thrilled to learn what the hell a “bitch boy” is.

To his horror, “bitch” is an insult, and Ranboo teleports away uncontrollably at the spot when he learns.

The next morning, Tommy whistles as he walks into the kitchen. “Hello, Technoblade,” he says, earning a glare.

He pauses in front of Ranboo.

“And hello to you, bitch.”

Ranboo frowns. “That’s rather substandard of you, Tommy. Perhaps you should educate yourself,” he says.

Tommy’s mouth drops open at “substandard”.

“Techno,” he says, shaking. “What the hell did he just say?”

Ranboo answers for him.

“This is nothing but a meretricious deceit, for my solemn is nothing but fathomable and ostentatious. This is true to the extend of ontologism and Kiergegaardism, thereby through all of certainty. You shall be of verboten and censured into utter dissension, for your imbroglio is nothing but a unilateral anathema, antithesis; recherche. This is to the periphery of abomination, to the brink of Existentialism and ethical egoism. For thou must be interdicted in all of certainty. Though it may seem a concomitant, let be a contumacious individual. This shall not avail, such defamatory and garrulous desultory shall not prevail. Thus, it shall be obliterated fecklessly with no lachrymose, for it shall never be remembered.”

Tommy screams, and Techno never hears him cuss at Ranboo again.

None of them know how it happens, but suddenly there’s a new desk in the classroom, another bedroom built, and an entire library of enchantment language.

And so Techno sometimes lays awake at night, —and though he wouldn’t tell you—thinking about how glad he is that Ranboo showed up at the fireplace in the middle of the winter.


End file.
